Hiding the Money we Spend

I was reading the New York Times only to come across an article about women who buy their luxury purchases with cash because they don't want to fight with their husbands/boyfriends/parents about how they spend their money. This has been a trend in particularly upscale shopping venues such as Bergdorf Goodman, etc. from purchases ranging from $100 - $10,000. TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS CASH?! And many of these women actually EARNED THEIR OWN MONEY. They are not living off of the good graces of their partners!
Aside from my clear amazement that someone could scare up that much cash, it makes me wonder about the state of our relationships. In my relationship, we seem to have recurring fights (2 - 3 times per year) about money and how I spend my time. Actually, we just argued about how I spend my time with the insinuation that I should be working even if school is out of session. My personal policy is that if time being spent is not interfering with the functioning of our family, I don't owe an accounting of it. Further, the time spent on my academic work is actually to be discussed with my ADVISOR, not PARTNER (who knows little about my discipline).

Aside from complaining about this fight, I am going somewhere with this, namely that I have the same issues with money. If bills aren't getting paid, if we have a common goal that is being compromised by my spending, then we all need to discuss how money is spent in the relationship. That means that if these crises are coming up, not only do we discuss my spending habits, but my partner's as well. Otherwise, it is DISCRETIONARY income to be disposed of however I please.

There are two issues to be considered even further. (1) Why do women make these luxury purchases; and (2) Wouldn't the more powerful position be taking on these issues explicitly with our partners? I do think we need to challenge conspicuous consumption including one more handbag, the pair of shoes we've "just got to have", etc. Many of these goods are marketed on the basis of our feeling lousy about ourselves and frankly, I'm not convinced we should buy things without being rooted in the fact that we're the perfect size at this moment, we are pretty enough, etc. We shouldn't patronize retailers/designers, etc. if they insist on making us feel like crap to purchase their products to feel better. They are exploiting our deepest insecurities and frankly, NO ONE should make money off my insecurities!

Secondly, we doneed to learn to be upfront with our partners about what we do. Isn't this the key to open and loving relationships? Doesn't it make sense to adopt policies that say we should be respected in the relationship and part of that respect is shutting your trap about how money is spent unless there is clearly an addictive pull or financial obligations are being undermined? Sexist assumptions about women spending money in relationships assume that men should have the ultimate say about this issue, even if they haven't earned the money being spent. I find that troubling and think this is worth fighting about. But this raises another question: do the women discussed in this article actually fear the fights, or are they actually having/avoiding these fights.
As my example about my partner and I arguing about the way I spend my time, I clearly don't have this completely figured out in my life. But I swear, I will fight about it. No one, as long as I am an adult, has the right to dictate to me how my time and my money are spent as long as we are handling business. Especially seeing I do most of the work connected to raising our child. Women need to develop these policies before entering intimate relationships so that we are not confused about the correct direction in the midst of our partners' upsets.