Changing Dirty Diapers

I reviewed Parenting Magazine's picks for the Dirty Diaper awards and some people we would suspect were on the list, such as Britney Spears. An interesting selection was Donald Trump because over the course of five children, as we all know well, at least two of them are adults, he has never changed a diaper.

Which got me to thinking, why does the press always ask if the male parent changes diapers. Because frankly, changing diapers is not really the useful thing for the other parent of an infant. It is spending significant amounts of time with the young one and building a relationship with them. Why? There are selfish motivations -- what new mother wouldn't like at least two hours without a newborn attached to her? But there are more important reasons as well.

Parenting is about building a close relationship with the young people we bring into this world. Ensuring their well being does not work well if we have fractured relationships. This is what is sad about the role men play in the lives of children - because they are so busy working absurd hours, they cannot build the relationships with their young people which means that ultimately, they actually sacrifice their ability to leverage authority over their kids' lives.

I don't underestimate the demands of the workplace and we know that our economy is completely hostile to the interests of parents and compromises our ability to form the close relationships we would like. However, diaper changing needs to be seen in the context of relationship building. You make important physical contact with your baby (tenderly wiping their behinds, perhaps massaging their feet), you gaze in their eyes, and talk to them about their world. These sorts of interactions are the building blocks of any parent/child relationship.
So, perhaps the next time a father has a new child in this world, instead of asking whether the father changes diapers, the reporter will actually ask "how much time did you spend with your baby this week and what did you do with them." Once we understand this, we'll really understand the role fathers play in their children's lives. And by the way, if a father spending more time with their child isn't a benefit of feminism, I don't know what is.