Gay Marriage

I have to admit, I'm more ambivalent about this issue than I want to be, and not for the reasons one would think. I'm not convinced that GLBTQ folk are the potential cause of the downfall of Western civilization, etc. That seems hysterical. Lately, I've been reading a book by Amy Dru Stanley, From Bondage to Contract, about the institution of marriage in the late 19th century. It was the 19th century that brought us contracts as we know it - indeed it was the contract that distinguished slavery and freedom. The 19th century brought abolition as well.

However, the situation for women was more complicated. As Black women were freed from slavery, they were told by elites that one thing that would make their lives different (Black men too, but with different implications) was the right to marriage - they could keep home, work in the fields (we need that labor) and allow their persons to be subsumed into their husbands, the doctrine of coverture. That means that your husband would control your money, your time, and your ability to contract. This left many women asking what was the difference between slavery and marriage? Of course, White women entered marriage with the same rules and this institution was critiqued by the first-wave feminist movement.

Today, thank God, we don't have to deal with coverture, etc., but that does not eliminate the possibility of sexism in the institution of marriage. Indeed, women often are employed for pay outside of the home (at rates lower than their male counterparts for the same job) and unpaid for work inside of the home (housekeeping, childcare, cook (for those who have time to cook anymore), and I'll just say, etc.). Indeed, the pressures put on wives these days are tremendous. Lose 5 pounds (you must look good for your husband), do these fantastic sex moves to keep him interested, he still doesn't do anymore of the housekeeping or childcare, and everyone tends to treat the work that women do outside of the home as supplemental still - except for now when most of the layoffs are happening in fields that have been predominantly male.

Which raises the following question for me. As GLBTQ people secure the right to marry, will this pose a radical challenge to marriage? What do I mean? The roles that two people take in a marriage really are based on sexist norms that have existed well before the 19th century. As a community, daily lives would have to be opened up, thought about, and examined to evaluate the extent to which this radical change came about in GLBTQ marriages; making the private, public, the personal, political. Why would this happen? To answer the following questions - Will the community use this as an opportunity to redistribute the work in homes? Will it use this as an opportunity to ensure that all people are fairly paid (the wage differentials become more appalling when complicated by race - yep, if you're not White, you're earning less and if you are a woman of color, even less)? Will it take the opportunity to ensure that there is universal healthcare and childcare for young children so that all of our families can thrive?

This could really be the radical move that seriously restructures society as we know it for everyone. This could be an opportunity for the GLBTQ community to really tackle the intersection of oppressions and take a strong stand against sexism and racism. Ultimately, I think this is really what the far right fears, not what GLBTQ people are doing in bed. However, if the community is pushing marriage as we know it, I'm not interested. Sexism is painful enough as it is. I'm not interested in having more people reinforce it.